


And When We Touch We Enter Touch Entirely

by ChaTianShi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 02:48:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4943773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaTianShi/pseuds/ChaTianShi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it feels like Yixing is the sun, and Sehun doesn't just want to be another one of the eleven planets that orbit him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And When We Touch We Enter Touch Entirely

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and is no way intended to be accurate descriptions of any EXO members and other depicted persons, places, things, or events. They are solely the products of imagination and should be strictly regarded as such.
> 
> Title from the poem 'The Truth the Dead Know' by Anne Sexton.

Yixing dancing is a problem. A beautiful problem, but a problem all the same. Sehun knows his own skills were good, it isn't the same but he's managed to get to the point where he is comfortable not comparing himself to Jongin anymore, because they just have different styles and he's cool with that. But Yixing's dancing is something else, because _Yixing_  is something else. Where Sehun and Jongin have always let the dance flow naturally, Yixing is intense. Always. Intense with every movement, always calculated, always _trying_ as if he is so far behind the others and he needs to catch up. Sehun wonders if he knows how far beyond them he really is. And maybe Sehun knows it isn't just about the dancing, but when his eyes naturally drift over to Yixing's fluid form in the practice room mirror, he tries to tell himself that it is.

Sehun puts an arm around Yixing's neck as they round up their practice for the day. They're both sweating and Yixing shrugs Sehun off with a good-natured chuckle and puts a towel around his neck instead. "You did good today, hyung." He offers, falling into the familiar pattern of after-practice encouragement he is building between them. Yixing's smile is soft, like always, and he ruffles Sehun's hair in a way that Sehun would hate if he wasn't already so hooked by everything Yixing did.

"So did you, Sehunnie."

Sehun has to head back to the practice room when they're already halfway down the hall because he forgot his hoodie. Jongin's still in there when he pushes open the door. "Oh, hey." He offers, as the other boy stretches out on the floor, looking thoroughly exhausted.

"Did I do well today too?" Jongin says casually as Sehun bends down to pick up his hoodie.

"Huh?"

"Just Yixing then. That's cool."

It takes Sehun a second to process what he's talking about before he weakly counters, "uh, yeah, I mean, of course you did well, we all did really."

Jongin pulls his leg until he sits down next to him. "You know you're really bad at trying to be evasive, right? Like did you even try just now? Because that's embarrassing."

Sehun hits him lightly on the chest and Jongin huffs out a laugh. "What do you want, other than to insult me?"

"What's the deal with you lately? Is something up with Yixing that only you know about? Why are you treating him like he's a special snowflake? Is Yixing your secret boy crush or something-"

Sehun cuts Jongin off with a hand over his big mouth as he really can't be bothered to deal with people overhearing. Jongin rolls over and wipes his mouth like Sehun just delivered the plague or something. Sehun ignores the disgusted sounds, "urgh, your finger actually went in," coming from Jongin's mouth as he starts to pick at the frayed material on his hood.

"Are you not even bothered to clarify anything?" Jongin asks finally.

"I don't know." He says truthfully, what else could he say. He didn't even understand it himself. Why did he feel like Yixing needed someone to cheer him on more than they all already did? Or was it that he believed that Yixing need to hear his cheers specifically?

"You know, if it's something personal and he told you not to tell then you don't have to." Jongin says, voice serious suddenly. "But you'd let me know if it was really bad, right? I care about him too, you know."

"It's not. I mean- he's fine. I just- It's kind of hard to say because I don't really know what I'm doing myself."

Jongin watches him for a long moment before Sehun sees his face change dramatically. "Oh my god, I was right? This is a super secret boy crush. Oh my freaking god, I thought someone had _died_ , Sehun, honestly, why do you have to be so dramatic?" He chucks an empty water bottle at Sehun's head which could have easily been avoided if he hadn't been shocked into stillness. Jongin laughs out loud. "Such a dramatic dork. A dramatic dork with a crush."

Sehun splutters back to life with a vehement, "no".

"Oh, come on, you don't have to be a little baby about it." Jongin coos at him, and Sehun feels like punching him in the face. "Everyone's crushed on Yixing at some point." And now he feels like maybe puking up.

"Please shut up." He grinds out. "It's not like that. I don't- It's not like that!" It's something more, is what he wants to say. But it still isn't enough. How can Jongin not see that Yixing needs something extra; needs help or support or something, he needs someone to tell him that he is good enough. Always good enough. How do the others not notice when sometimes Sehun feels like he can hear Yixing screaming internally from the other side of the room. Sehun knows that they all buckle under the pressure sometimes, the burden of a perfect performance always looming over their heads. But Sehun knows Yixing blames himself for things he can't control, Sehun can feel it as if Yixing's anxieties have a tangible presence that yanks him over and makes him want to hold his hyung until his smiles were genuine. It isn't a crush, and he hates that word, and he is gonna stuff a sock in Jongin's mouth if he keeps saying it.

Jongin must pick up on the seriousness in his voice because although his smirk hasn't disappeared, he finally stops talking. Sehun lets out a weary sigh and collapses next to his friend. "You don't get it." He says quietly.

"You're probably right." Jongin says, voice surprisingly soft as he lays a hand over Sehun's and pats gently. "So dramatic." He mutters, and they both lay there until the sound of Jongin's hungry stomach forces them to leave.

~&~

Sehun decides that improving his Chinese would be a good idea. He knows their Chinese members are more homesick than most and he reasons that he can't possibly make things worse by trying, so he does.

He catches Yixing on the way to the practice room for one of his late night training sessions, and he links their arms before Yixing can say a word about it. He attempts some smooth Chinese. "I thought I'd come with you today, Yixing-ge."

Yixing's surprised face is laughable, but Sehun schools his expression into something nonchalant and cool, hoping the pronunciation wasn't so butchered that Yixing couldn't even understand him. "You've been practicing." Yixing returns in Chinese and Sehun can't stop the smile that climbs onto his face then. The older boy just swings an arm around Sehun, squeezing him a little, and they walk out of the dorm in companionable silence.

Sehun thinks that this is why he has to stick around, because he can feel how tired Yixing is and he knows how much his own body is protesting from overuse but he can't let Yixing do it alone. They practice the same moves until early the next day, and Sehun knows that Yixing is toning down his frustration because of him but he doesn't know what to say. His quiet encouragements bounce off Yixing like water on a duck's back and he's afraid he might be making things worse.

Yixing leans his forehead against the mirror as the music restarts again and just stands there. Sehun walks over to him and lays a hand on his shoulder. "Why are you here, Sehun?" He says so quietly that Sehun almost couldn't hear him over the music.

"To practice."

"You have the moves down already, and you spend more time looking at me in the mirror than you do looking at yourself."

"You dance so well, I just wanted to watch y-"

"Please don't- don't lie." Yixing lifts his head from where it was resting against the glass and turns to look at Sehun. Sehun feels like a bug under a magnifying glass. "Don't lie, Sehun." He whispers.

Sehun can't think of what to say, and so he says nothing.

"Is it pity?" Yixing asks slowly. "You're so kind-hearted, Sehun, I know you don't mean it badly."

"It's not pity." Sehun says, barely able to hear his own voice through the thunderous heartbeat in his ears. "Please, hyung, I admire you. I just want to help you." Yixing's expression is pained and Sehun's heart is hurting with the realisation that he has put that there.

"Sehun-" The prospect of Yixing's rejection seems so abhorrent to him that he clasps onto the older boy before the words could fall from his mouth. He wishes that everything he felt could be conveyed this way, that Yixing would just understand and they could stop whatever this was because he didn't like it one little bit.

"I'm sorry." He says into Yixing's shoulder. He repeats it in Chinese. Yixing's arms come to encircle him almost automatically, and he knows he shouldn't be taking advantage of his hyung's sweet nature but he can't help it.

"It's okay, Sehunnie, don't cry, it's okay." Yixing is saying to him and this confuses Sehun at first because he hadn't been aware he was crying in the first place. But he is, and there is a wet patch on Yixing's shirt to prove it. He didn't even know why he's crying. Yixing doesn't question him anymore after that. The elder takes him back to the dorm and puts him to bed and Sehun wants to speak but the words are stuck in his throat. Yixing rests a hand against his forehead, "sleep well," he whispers, and Sehun chokes up again when he leaves.

~&~

Sehun corners Jongin in the kitchen the next morning. "Do you ever just start crying for no reason? It's just a stress thing, right? Pretty common."

"Are you asking me or telling me?" Jongin yawns.

"Urgh. Asking."

"Well, no, I don't usually start crying for no reason. I'm sure some people do though. Ask Zitao. Or Junmyeon-hyung."

They sit down at the table and Sehun picks at his breakfast dispiritedly. "Is this about your cru-" Jongin narrowly avoids being poked with one of Sehun's chopsticks. "Okay! Fine. I'll shut up. Is it about something else? You can talk to me, you know. I'm only annoying because you force me to squeeze all the answers out by myself."

"That's because there's usually no answers there! We literally live together, how much could I possibly be hiding?"

Jongin appears to hold back his retort. "Suit yourself." He sighs, instead. "But I'm still here, if you ever start, you know, stress crying or whatever..." Sehun smirks into his breakfast. Jongin loves him.

"Who's crying?" Comes a voice from behind them. Sehun turns to see Baekhyun strolling in, Kyungsoo and Yixing not far behind.

"Good morning." Sehun says, avoiding Yixing's eyes and focusing on eating as intently as he can.

Kyungsoo sits next to Jongin, fixing Sehun with a concerned stare. "Did you sleep at all last night?" He questions, tone light, but brows drawn together deeply.

"I was up late practicing. It's no big deal." Sehun tenses as Yixing slides in next to him.

"You didn't get to sleep last night?" He asks, a hand coming to lay on Sehun's wrist. Sehun flushes, embarrassed by the memories of the previous day and wishing he could explain himself.

"I slept fine." He snaps, and regrets it instantly as Yixing removes his hand quickly and returns to his breakfast. Kyungsoo is still looking at him curiously and Sehun is tired so he slides his chair out and pretends he's desperate for the bathroom. He turns to look at Yixing as he leaves and he's surprised that their eyes meet. He hopes he can make it up to Yixing later. He knows he can.

~&~

It's evening by the time Sehun gets his chance, K and M had been buried in separate technical rehearsals all day, and Sehun ss ready to flop onto his bed and lay there maybe forever when he hears Yixing singing. He's not familiar with the song as he follows the sound to Yixing and Jongdae's shared room. He knocks lightly and waits for Yixing's gentle call from inside. "Hey." He supplies lamely. Yixing doesn't seem to mind and beckons him over to the seat next to him on the computer.

Sehun notices Jongdae's sleeping form on the opposite bed and Yixing smiles sheepishly. "He said my composing helps him get to sleep."

Sehun smiles back. "I bet it does. Your voice is very comforting." Sehun clenches his fist in the hope that Yixing doesn't start fighting off his compliments and relaxes slightly when the older boy starts humming contentedly. Unfortunately, Yixing's hums combined with the less than exciting activity of watching him mess around with musical arrangements is bad news for Sehun's already exhausted body. He hears a small laugh as his head starts to fall and droop onto Yixing's shoulder. "Time for bed, Sehunnie."

Sehun groans. He is honestly way too tired to be complaining, but he doesn't want to leave Yixing up by himself, even if he has no idea how to help him with whatever he's doing. "Time for bed, hyung." He mumbles back, unmoving.

"If I go to bed, will you?" Yixing asks softly. Sehun manages a nod, and Yixing helps him to stand up.

Sehun scrutinises his face with tired eyes. "Wait, how do I know you won't just continue whatever you're doing when I leave?" Yixing looks amused as he runs a hand through Sehun's hair.

"Don't you trust me?" Sehun doesn't know what to say to that. Of course he does, but it still doesn't feel right to leave without truly knowing. Yixing cares about his work too much. Sehun presses his lips together. "Why don't you stay here?" Yixing suggests, gesturing to his bed. Sehun hesitates, sure that there must be a reason why he didn't think of this earlier, but too tired to ponder over it, he nods, eager for Yixing to rest and to sleep himself. He collapses onto the bed while Yixing turns off his computer. When the older boy climbs in after him, he's colder than the bed itself and Sehun shuffles over to offer some of his body heat.

"Why are you so cold?" Sehun murmurs, eyes closed, and knowing he was heard when he picks up Yixing's faint laugh.

"Sorry," Yixing whispers. Sehun decides that curling around his hyung and making a giant Sehun-cocoon is what is required of him in this situation and so that is what he does. Yixing voices no complaint except to grace Sehun with the same faint laugh before humming them both to sleep.

~&~

Sehun wakes up to someone poking his cheek. "Hey, sleeping beauty, what are you doing in here?" Disoriented, he sits up quickly and then has to clutch his head from the dizziness. "Are you okay?" Comes the voice of an instantly concerned Jongdae.

"Fine." He says, remembering the previous night and feeling slightly bitter that Yixing had left without waking him up.

"So, you wanna tell me why you're asleep in Yixing's bed?"

"He invited me." Sehun says simply, before heading out the door to find his and Junmyeon's room and maybe Yixing on the way. He manages the former, and is still working on the latter when morning Junmyeon corners him and decides it's lecture time.

"Sehun-ah, you didn't come back last night, he begins, and Sehun's ready to explain but Junmyeon continues. "And Jongin and Kyungsoo mentioned that you'd been acting a little strange lately. They want to know if you're okay...and I just want to tell you that you can come and talk to me about anything." Junmyeon puts a hand on his arm. "You know that."

Sehun is honestly finding it hard to focus on anything the leader is saying, with his head still spinning at the idea of Jongin telling on him.

"I know you hate it when I break out all the 'feelings stuff' this early in the day but I just wanted to remind you. I always have time for you, Sehun. If there's anything, or anyone, that's bothering you...?" Sehun sighs, absorbing the concerned tones of the sweet leader, and hesitates; unsure what he wants to say, if he wants to say anything. Junmyeon is always kind to him, to them all, and he often doesn't know how to tell him that he can take care of himself sometimes. The astute leader seems to understand something at least, and simply pulls him in for a hug.

"Hyung..." He whines, but it's mostly for the sake of it and Junmyeon just squeezes him tighter.

"Favourite maknae, Sehunnie!" He coos as he pulls away, and Sehun huffs a laugh because clearly he's lost all the dignity he ever had.

"Get out, hyung." He musters, and Junmyeon laughs before attempting to smoothly slide out the door, but ending up hitting his foot on the way. Sehun cringes as he listens to Junmyeon hop down the hallway.

Kyungsoo he could understand might tattle to Junmyeon, but Jongin... He is going to destroy Jongin and his big mouth. Sehun's heart drops. What if Jongin had mentioned his crush? Not that he has one, but Jongin thinks he does and clearly he's been gossiping.

Sehun quickly makes his way to the bathroom, anxious to wash up. He knocks and hears an echoey Zitao in reply. He's in luck. Zitao and Baekhyun are always pretty chill to shower with. "Let me in." He calls. He hears the sound of the lock and is then bombarded with a wall of steam as the door opens.

"Hurry, hurry, you're letting all the heat out." Comes Zitao's greeting.

"Morning." Sehun deadpans, and starts on undressing. Zitao hurries over to the sink where he starts to brush his teeth frantically. "Hey, Tao, do you ever sort of... start crying for no reason?" Sehun breaches casually, hoping Zitao won't think he's joking around.

Zitao stops brushing to look over at him, assessing his demeanour before replying, "sometimes, yeah."

"Oh, okay. Cool." Sehun coughs. "Me too."

There's a pregnant pause. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's harder than it sounds." Sehun sighs, pulling off his shirt until he's just standing in his boxers. He goes to join Zitao at the sink. "It's not really for no reason. I just haven't fully figured out what the reason is yet."

"Is it Yixing?"

Sehun freezes. "Who told you that?"

"Who said someone needed to tell me? You're pretty obvious all by yourself."

"Urgh, why does everyone think they know everything."

"Stop moaning and explain what's going on. Why are you upset about Yixing?"

Sehun squirms. "I'm not, I mean... I am a little bit. I don't think... he takes care of himself... properly. He tries too hard, I just want him to know how good he is, at everything, but I don't think he takes me seriously. Tao-yah, I just want him to feel proud of himself, he's so disappointed with himself all the time, I hate it- Don't you hate it too? Why doesn't anyone else notice-"

"Alright, it's alright," Zitao is saying as his hand comes to grip Sehun's shoulder and wait- yeah, his eyes are stinging again, why does this keep happening? "Come on," Zitao pushes him over to the shower, "it'll make you feel better." They both get rid of the rest of their clothes and Sehun pretends he's not shedding tears in the shower while Zitao massages shampoo into his hair.

"You really need to talk to him about this. You know that, right?" Sehun shrugs and Zitao pulls his ear. "I mean it, it'll only get worse if you let it fester inside you. You'll explode at some point and it won't be pretty."

"I'm always pretty." Sehun mutters.

"Could've fooled me."

Sehun smiles, the hot water loosening the tension in his neck and shoulders while Zitao presses at his temples.

"You had better be washing my back for this."

"Whatever you say, _hyung_..." Sehun smirks.

~&~

Sehun knows he's only getting worse when he starts feeling the need to know where Yixing is at all times. It's like a crawling feeling under his skin that won't disappear until he's relaxing with his head in Yixing's lap or laying on his bed while he strums at his guitar over and over. Yixing doesn't ask him why he's there. Not after the first time. But sometimes Sehun can hear the question in the silence and he'll bury his head in Yixing's shoulder to shut it out, and he'll tell him how good he is.

Jongin and Kyungsoo eventually decide to step in, with Zitao watching from afar as they grab him and carry him off to Jongin's room. "This has to stop." Kyungsoo says simply. Sehun plays dumb, slouching down on Jongin's bed as they sit in the opposite one. He raises his eyebrows and waits for them to continue.

"Come on, Sehun," Jongin whines, "it's painful to watch. Do you have any idea what you look like?"

Sehun is slightly offended by this as he'd thought that he'd been fairly discreet, at least when he was with the others. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Why don't you just tell him that you like him?" Jongin asks, exasperated.

"Everyone likes him, there's no difference."

"Clearly not." Kyungsoo says dryly. "If you don't care about how you look, that's fine, but you must see how this is affecting him, right?"

Sehun perks up at this. "What, how?"

"He's tired, Sehun."

Sehun frowns. "So am I! We all are! That's why I'm there to help him."

"He's tired of _you_."

Sehun's face must have looked something terrible, because Jongin bats Kyungsoo's arm and he backtracks immediately. "No, look, what I mean is, he's trying to be happy, all the time, for you, and when he finally finds some time to be alone, you almost burn this place down trying to look for him."

"But that's- That's not what I wanted, I wanted him to feel safe around me, so that he could tell me anything." Sehun's head drops into his hand. "I don't know how this happened."

"He doesn't want you to worry about him." Kyungsoo pats his knee.

"But I can't stop." Sehun chokes.

Jongin sighs. "This is a mess."

~&~

So Sehun tries to get a hold of whatever is going wrong with him, and he decides he should try to stay away from Yixing for a while; learn to ignore the insistent pull of Yixing-like gravity whenever they're in a room together, and try not to crumble apart when they're not. He hopes Kyungsoo was right and Yixing really does need some space away from him because more often than not these days, Sehun feels like he's seconds away from bawling his eyes out.

He isn't proud of it; when did he become this person who cries? Sometimes Zitao hears him in the bathroom and he lets him in until they have a ritual where Sehun pretends the water on his face only comes from the shower head and Zitao says he enjoys washing Sehun's hair anyway.

It's minutes before a comeback stage when Sehun feels two familiar arms come to wrap around his waist and a chin hook over his shoulder. "We're going to do great." Yixing says, and Sehun tries to stop his heart from beating its way out of his chest, desperately blinking away the sharp sting in his eyes. Yixing doesn't move away. He stays there, moving to press his thumbs into the grooves of Sehun's back and work out the tension until Sehun feels like a tall piece of jelly. He presses back into into Yixing, glad for the darkness backstage and the heavy noise.

"Are you okay?" Yixing says, and this makes Sehun laugh slightly maniacally. Yixing pulls him around so they're face to face. Sehun lets his forehead fall against Yixing's and he gets a smile in return. Yixing opens his mouth to say something but it's interrupted by the sound of Junmyeon collecting them all together before they walk out onstage. "We'll talk after." Yixing says. Sehun blinks and kisses him on the cheek out of sheer impulse, drunk on adrenaline. He listens to the rumble of Yixing's laughter and then Yixing pushes him away to go join the others.

Sehun performs like it is his last perfomance. He holds nothing back, forgetting to even sneak glances at Yixing because he's so happy and he's knows they're going to do great. When they finally file off the stage to the sound of deafening screams and a million hearts, Sehun searches for Yixing and he can't stop smiling, intensely affected by the energy and the love and his _hyungs_ all around him.

He hears Chanyeol call out sharply, and Sehun is attracted by the sudden seriousness in his voice. He pushes past people to find the cause of his cry and sees Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Luhan crowding around and talking insistently. Luhan is talking in rapid Chinese to someone that Sehun can't see and so he crosses over to them, anxiety welling in his gut.

Kyungsoo notices him before he gets there and puts a hand on his chest, eyes wide. "Sehun-" He starts, but Sehun looks over his head to the jarring sight of Yixing on the ground, presumably vomiting into the bucket in front. His stomach lurches and Sehun feels as if his legs are going to buckle, but his need to help Yixing carries him past Kyungsoo until he's kneeling next to Luhan who's alternating between carding his fingers through Yixing's hair and rubbing his back.

"Hyung..." He says desperately, completely out of his depth, and Luhan looks at him, expression one of sympathy and calm. Sehun wonders how he does it.

Luhan addresses Chanyeol. "Where's Junmyeon?"

"I think he's been dragged off for interviews." Sehun feels Kyungsoo's hand on his shoulder and he reluctantly moves to the side when Yifan arrives.

The tall hyung crouches down to speak and Yixing lifts his head up for the first time since Sehun's been there. Yifan talks in low Chinese, "can you walk?" He says, and Yixing nods shortly. "Let's get you out of here." Yifan and Luhan help him up while Sehun and the others trail behind and watch the staff begin to fuss over Yixing instead of getting him out of there as quick as possible.

Sehun strides ahead then and forces his hand into Yixing's, squeezing and not caring about Yixing's weak attempt to pull away. He doesn't let go as they leave the backstage area. He doesn't let go as they're climbing into a separate car, away from the others so that the fans are distracted. Yixing hugs the bucket to his chest and Sehun doesn't know what to say to him. They're driving in silence and he's useless as Yixing sniffles to himself, clearly reluctant to cry in front of Sehun and Sehun wishes he could just be open with him.

"I love you, hyung, you know that, right?" Yixing stays silent but squeezes Sehun's hand. "Please don't hide things from me, I want to share everything with you, the good and the bad... So you don't need to hide from me." Yixing sighs and he sounds so tired and broken that Sehun almost regrets saying anything.

"You need to put on your mask, you'll get ill."

Sehun groans at him. "I don't care." And as if to prove his point, he drops his head onto Yixing's shoulder, before tilting upwards to plant a kiss on his neck. Yixing shivers.

"Silly Sehunnie." Yixing says, but there's a smile climbing back onto his face and Sehun thinks that's an achievement. "I ruined today, I'm sorry." Yixing murmurs.

"You didn't."

"I did. I saw how happy you were out there today, and I thought I could make it. I thought I could make it until we were back home and you wouldn't have to see."

Sehun tried to ignore the well of frustration inside him. "You don't need to hide from me," he repeats.

"I don't want to disappoint you."

"You could never disappoint me."

"Sehun-ah, that's what I mean. You treat me like I'm something special and I want to be. I'm trying."

"You don't need to try, you're special already."

Yixing switches to Chinese. "I'm not. Not yet."

Sehun doesn't know how else to say what he's been saying and so he gathers Yixing to his chest and they sit in silence for the rest of the ride.

Yixing is sent to the hospital to be checked over and Sehun arrives at their dorm dead on his feet, physically and emotionally done. Jongin comes to find him and they wash up, then huddle together on the sofa, watching trash TV until Jongin falls asleep. Sehun is too anxious to sleep, despite the fact that his body is screaming at him to get some rest. He waits up until he hears the tell-tale sounds of someone arriving, then he disengages himself from Jongin and hurries to the door. 

Junmyeon is outside already and brings Yixing in with a hand on his back. They see Sehun standing there and both smile gently. Sehun feels a semblance of relief. Junmyeon speaks into Yixing's ear quickly and quietly before leaving them both.

"How are you, hyung?" Sehun says, feeling strangely formal.

"Better. I was told to rest." Sehun is gratified by this response because it means that he has some time to take care of his hyung, whether it's appreciated or not. Sehun guides Yixing to his room, careful not to awaken the sleeping Jongdae. Yixing pulls him down on the bed so they're laying side by side. Sehun wants to ask him about what he'd wanted to say before they went on stage, but he's reluctant to remind Yixing of anything that might upset him.

Yixing turns over and starts to brush his hand affectionately through Sehun's hair. Sehun closes his eyes when Yixing starts to sing in Chinese, content to exist in this moment. Sehun is almost asleep when he hears the soft voice by his ear. "You're the special one, Sehunnie." Too tired for a verbal reply, he snuggles into the cool body next to him.

~&~

Sehun wakes up first this time; Yixing laying on his back with Sehun draped over him. His ear is pressed to Yixing's heart, arm wrapped around his waist, and he can't explain how good it feels to hold him like this, as if he can protect him from anything. He doesn't want Yixing to wake up because he doesn't want him to end this and leave. But as he lets his eyes wander across the room, he sees Jongdae watching him quietly. Sehun frowns at him, but Jongdae just smirks, knowingly.

Sehun figures he has to wake Yixing up now because he certainly isn't going to stay there putting on a show for Jongdae. He lifts himself onto one elbow and shakes Yixing's shoulder gently. "Hyung..." Yixing takes a few moments to realise what's going on before he smiles widely up at Sehun, who feels a blush begin to climb his neck. Jongdae snorts from across the room and Sehun gives him the best side-eye he can manage that early in the morning.

Yixing pokes him in the ribs where he's most ticklish and he crumbles back onto the bed. "No, no, don't!" He squirms futilely as Yixing comes in for the kill, his quick hands forcing Sehun to release his least attractive giggles. Yixing laughs like he's about to cry, his voice hoarse from sleep, and Sehun tackles him with enough force that they roll right off the bed and into the floor.

Jongdae is cackling above them. "Why am I surrounded by the biggest idiots?" He muses. "I'll leave you two alone, shall I?" Jongdae hops over them and exits the room.

They're both breathing heavily, smiles plastered to their faces and Yixing's elbows bracketing Sehun's head. He is about to comment that his hyung is heavier than he looks when he's interrupted by Yixing's face so close to his. He can feel breath against his lips and Sehun doesn't think, just lifts his chin in a way that feels automatic, the feeling of their lips pressing together neither strange nor unexpected, just warm.

Yixing pulls away slightly and Sehun feels a sudden belated wave of panic wash over him. "What are we doing?" He whispers.

"I don't know." Comes Yixing's voice, so delicate.

"Do you...want to do it again?" Sehun asks, heart in his throat and body paralysed with doubt.

"Okay." They're mostly breathing into each other's mouths, both confused, and hesitant. Yixing's mouth is a good mouth, Sehun thinks, and there is something exciting about the fact that Yixing is just as unsure as he is. It means that he's not trying to impress him or protect him, he's just being Yixing, and Sehun is just being Sehun. He feels his hair being brushed out of his face and Yixing presses his lips to Sehun's forehead. "Let's get up, I must be crushing you." He says.

Sehun is breathless, and it's not from the weight. They sit on Yixing's bed. "We should talk." Sehun says bravely, and hopes that Yixing will go first.

"I'm sorry for the pain I caused." Yixing starts resolutely. "I didn't understand, I didn't want to let you down, and then you left, and I thought it might be better that way. I thought maybe you'd given up."

"Give up? I wouldn't ever-"

"Shhh, I didn't know, Sehun." Yixing looks him right in the eyes then, and he realises he's talking about Sehun's recent breakdowns. Sehun wonders who told him, before deciding it must have been Junmyeon catching him sniffle himself to sleep. "If I had, I-"

"Don't worry about it. It's embarrassing."

"Why were you crying?" Yixing asks plainly. "Is it because I wasn't there for you?"

"No, it was all me, I thought- I thought if I was always around you, then I could show you how special you were. I thought I could prove to you how much you meant to all of us, and then you'd know that you were always good enough. Through success, through failure, always good enough for us. For me." Yixing looks upset but Sehun soldiers on. "I wanted you to be open with me. And then Kyungsoo told me that following you around was just making things harder for you. I just didn't want to be apart, it's stupid. I'm a baby."

"You're not a baby. Having emotions doesn't make you a baby." Yixing takes his hand. "I kept wondering how you knew when I felt like I was drowning. You were there, straight away. I shouldn't have- But I thought, at first, that you could see that I was slacking and you didn't want me to let the team down, and so I didn't want to let _you_ down." Sehun resists the urge to reach out and hold his hyung close like before. "I just- I shouldn't have hidden from you, you were right."

"Does this mean we don't have to be apart anymore?"

"We'll have to be apart sometimes." Yixing says, and they're quiet for a moment. "But mostly," Yixing grins, "I don't see why you can't stick around."

Sehun wonders how he's going to tell Yixing that he's become addicted to the way his smile lights up his face, that he wants to press his mouth against that dimple and hold him close and listen to his heartbeat. Sehun wonders what Jongin would say. Nothing useful, most likely.

Sehun knocks his shoulder against Yixing's and almost jumps as Yixing turns to grab his head and pepper kisses all round his face. "Hyung...!" He whines, though he's secretly enjoying the attention. Yixing kisses his nose and Sehun frustratedly offers his mouth instead. Yixing pecks him on the lips once, before shoving him back into the bed. By the time Sehun has sat back up, Yixing has skipped out the door, presumably because the bathroom was about to get very busy.

He makes a mental note to form some sort of prank with Jongin later. Yixing could experience some of his other talents.

Zitao catches him as he shuffles out of the room. He looks Sehun over carefully. "Why do I feel like we won't be having a teary shower session today?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sehun says smoothly.

"Uhuh, well get used to washing your own hair then." He snaps and Sehun panics; Zitao is really very good at washing hair.

"Okay, okay, I talked to him."

"Properly?"

"Properly."

"Good. I'll tell Jongin." Zitao smiles. "And Kyungsoo, and Junmyeon, and Jongdae- although Jongdae probably already knows which means Junmyeon might know as well..."

Sehun leaves him to spread the dorm gossip as he heads off for breakfast. He smiles to himself, they are going to do _great_.

**Author's Note:**

> wow, so first time writing something in this fandom and I honestly cannot tell if it's absolute crap so feel free to fill me in with any and all opinions
> 
> I wrote this at an ungodly hour and all mistakes (and other horrific findings) are mine and mine alone
> 
> also if anyone else wants to squee about zhang yixing and oh sehun feel free to leave that here too
> 
>    
> ［心］［心］［心］


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